Living most of my time, feeling that I'm just not good enough. The few compliments I get about jobs well done, just doesn't compare to the tons of complaints and criticism I get over all the rest. Sometimes I wonder what I use in this world is. I get it. I really do. Some people just suck at life. Or at least if feels like that.
Lately in my romantic relationship, it feels I can't seem to do anything right. From online gaming to not be able to hear my phone ringing in a busy supermarket. I don't know what I should and should not do. Crying myself to sleep is becoming a habit.
I feel like useless trash.
Wednesday, 1 July 2020
The two demons
I'm calling the two voices in my head demons, because wolves are used too often. I decided on demons because I cannot say for certain which one is good or bad. They are just there, whispering to me when I feel all hope is lost. At some times, the one will try to see the bright side, while the other will keep on saying how utterly useless I am and I should just die. And on other times, the chirpy chants to end the suffering and make everything go away, the once negative one voices to not kill myself, and to cling to life and be spiteful and not give the others what they want.
Unfortunately as of yesterday, they decided to stand together and chant: you are a waste of space but you should not take your own life because that will be a hassle for the people around you.
So the good news is I might be over the suicidal part (which I was struggling with, for 14 years), but the bad news is, I think less of myself than I usually did.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)